Want to know how to have a less stressful divorce? One that is a bit smoother, and less traumatic? Here’s what a divorce expert recommends doing…
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Breaking up sure is hard to do.
And, it of course becomes all that more difficult when you’ve been married and/or have assets, children, pets and businesses together.
Divorce Coach Bridgette Jackson of Equal Exes has really seen it all now. She’s seen the slow, calm and measured dissolving of some marriages and she’s seen some of the most explosive, heart-wrenching and drawn out divorces imaginable.
She says there’s really one key thing, that should happen early on in the process, that can help make a divorce – or end of a significant relationship – that much smoother and less traumatic.
“Often it can shock one partner if the other person decides their marriage is over and they want to separate,” she says. “But once the other partner has had some time to process the decision, the one thing they can do to have a smoother and less traumatic divorce is agree to come to a common agreement about how they want the process to go and be prepared to compromise.”
Meeting up straight away to discuss next steps when one of the partners has been blindsided or deeply hurt isn’t likely to set you down a productive – or calm! – path.
“Coming together to discuss divorce when both partners are emotionally ready and in a positive and calm space is the best approach,” says Bridgette. “This can help to remove some of the stress and the negativity often associated with divorce and preparing to separate two lives and their dependents.”
Bridgette says some of the positives she sees from couples who go down this path are:
- Clarity around emotions and intentions. It may be that they decide to work on the relationship while apart or agree that the best path is to divorce.
- A reduction in emotional turmoil allows both partners to discuss the next steps and longer-term path rationally without hurtful arguments and overthinking.
- Collaboration and the agreement to work together, rather than confrontation.
- Proactive planning of their new future. This could include how to separate physical assets and investments, manage debt, co-parent, and the new priorities.
- Conflict resolution, as they will be coming together when emotions are not so high.
- A focus on mutual respect which is especially important when children or dependants are involved.
- A tone of what the process can look like with less animosity and a smoother transition.