What’s one thing you should do before having a baby? While you might have heard a few bits and pieces over the years of what to do – you might not have heard this piece of advice…
Welcome to The One Thing! Every week we’re bringing you the one nugget of info that you need to know or didn’t know you needed to know! Whether it’s a tip to make your life a little easier, a pearl of wisdom, something to make you think, or maybe something to make you laugh, The One Thing is here to serve you every Friday!
If you’ve got a suggestion or submission for The One Thing – maybe something about the industry you work in that you think others should know! – please send your thoughts to alice@capsulenz.com. We’d love to hear from you!
When you reach that point in your life where you start thinking about having children, there’s a lot of the same info you hear.
There’s the doctor’s very good advice of starting folic acid, or general pre-natal vitamins. Of cleaning up your diet, of staying away from alcohol, of getting your partner (if your partner is male) to stay out of spa pools.
Then there’s the friends with kids who’ll tell you to travel before you’re lumbered down with little ones, or to ‘sleep while you still can’.
Chelsey Liaga – a passionate therapist and dedicated couples counsellor – has a master’s degree in Social Work from Arizona State University and over five years of teaching experience and brings a unique blend of academic insight and practical guidance to her practice. Chelsey is now one of the dedicated therapists who works at Cupla – a fab app that helps you reconnect with your partner. It’s essentially the utimate relationship management app for busy couples that ensures you make time for one another and prioritise your connection, even when life gets a little crazy.
She says there’s one very important thing that couples should do before they even think about having kids, that’s often overlooked:
“Before you have kids, make sure your relationship is in a good place!” she says.
Chelsey says that research shows the two out of every three couples report a decrease in relationship satisfaction in the three years after having a baby.
“It is really common, but there are a few things you can do to prepare your relationship for having a baby and improve relationship health during the postpartum phase,” she says.
The best way to enter this new phase in life is to be prepared, says Chelsey. While it’s absolutely doable to turn things if things aren’t going well after having a baby, it’s much easier to do some preparation to avoid problems later on.
“Before you have kids, work on your communication,” says Chelsey. “Talk about the expectations you have for your spouse in their role as parent and create good habits for things such as date night, managing your shared finances, and cleaning your home. Having a baby can turn your life upside down for a while, so having good systems and routines in place can help you feel more stable as a couple as you navigate growing your family.”
As she mentioned, Chelsey believes date nights can be game changers – but, in those early days of parenthood, they can be difficult to organise.
“A lot of couples struggle after having kids because life gets busy and they forget to make time for their relationship,” she says. “Going on dates is important to help maintain and improve the health of your relationship. It takes you out of the role of parents and reminds you that you are also lovers! Even if date night looks like doing something together at home after you put the kids to bed, make sure to prioritize one-on-one time together each week.”
And, if you’re reading this from a place where you’re already in the thick of those post-baby years, feeling a bit worried about it all, first of all, Chelsey says to take a deep breath and show yourself some kindness. The best thing you can do for your relationship, is to look after yourself!
“The most important thing you can do is take care of your physical and emotional health,” she says. “If you are struggling and not taking care of yourself, then you cannot show up as the best version of yourself in your relationship. Even the smallest miscommunication can turn into a big fight if you are both tired, hungry, and overstimulated. Create small goals that will support you physical and mental health such as going to bed 30 minutes earlier, eating a balanced meal, or going on a walk.”