An age difference of 10 years meant absolutely nothing to Maureen when she met her husband at 24. But, just like when you’re five or 15, she says a decade also becomes a big deal again when you’re in your senior years.
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Maureen was 24 when she met her husband. He was 34, a widower – a man who had obviously seen so much, but still seemed so young at heart.
Although there was 10 years between them, Maureen didn’t feel a gap between them. The fact he was a bit older never seemed to have much impact on their relationship.
They went on to have three children together, while Maureen worked hard at home raising their little ones, and at the office, where she was determined to also be a career woman – despite it raising the eyebrows of her parents at the time.
“In those days it was much more common for women to stay home after having children, and sometimes I did feel a bit envious, but whenever I took a break, I was rearing to go and get back into my career,” she says.
Her husband, John, was a hard worker too. They took the children on various holidays with the extra money they had from a dual income, and then Maureen had a plan for her retirement.
John would likely retire around 65 and would be able to get stuck into golf, then she’d retire at 65 too, when John was 75, and they’d tick off their bucket-list travel. John almost stuck to retiring at 65. Concerned about their financial position, he ended up retiring at 70, and yes, spent most of the first few years on the golf course.
Maureen was 60 at the time, and by no means ready to leave work.
“Would you believe it, my grandmother was still alive,” says Maureen. “She unfortunately died that year, but she came to my birthday – she was 103. I looked at it this way: what if I took after her? I’d have another 43 years of life! I had to keep working to afford that, and to live a fulfilling life.”
There was one thing Maureen says she hadn’t taken into consideration though.
“It is a funny thing,” she says. “When you are five, there is a sizeable difference between you and a 15-year-old. That exists still when you are 15 and 25. But… 25 and 35? 35 and 45? 45 and 55? In those middle years, 10 years is nothing. But, do you know when it becomes sizeable again? 65 and 75. 75 and 85. These are years when 10 years can be a chasm.”
Maureen says John had always been in fairly good health. But then, shortly after John had turned 74, Maureen got a call at work. John had collapsed at the golf course.
“It was a stroke,” says Maureen. “Life was never normal from then on. He never fully recovered.”
Maureen had to leave work that year to become his carer.
“I was not foolish, I knew that becoming a carer was likely going to be on the cards for me,” says Maureen. “When there’s an age gap you don’t toddle off to the retirement village together. The younger one steps in and becomes the carer. It did still feel shocking at the time because I felt so young. I was so young.”
Maureen spent the next six years caring for John in their home, until he passed away one autumn morning. He was 80.
“What would you know,” says Maureen. “My work called me up and said the woman who had replaced me was retiring – did I want to come back for a few months. I ended up working another five years.”
Maureen’s brother-in-law (her younger sister’s husband) passed away around then and so Maureen and her decided to finally tick off their bucket list adventures together.
They ticked off three cruises in three years. They’re actually planning another for next year when Maureen’s sister turns 85.
“The one thing I regret is that I didn’t take real note of our age difference [she and John’s] and how that may play out in our later years,” says Maureen. “He couldn’t do those things that I had planned. Listen, he was a man, so he was never good at making plans like that, like where we might like to go on holiday and how it would work, so that was left to me. I would have loved to have had those experiences with him. I do wish I’d taken six months off work when he retired and enjoyed some time together while we were both fit and able.”
