Having a significant age gap between children is becoming very normal these days – sometimes it’s by choice, other times it’s completely out of our hands: whether there were fertility struggles in between, a change of partner, a little surprise, or a change of heart – the list of reasons is long. Here, Haley Keals – the co-founder of Slay My Day – talks about her own experience, having a baby 11 years after her first, experiencing life with a newborn at both 28 and 40, and how different those two experiences can be… but often for surprising reasons. Here’s the number one thing she learned.
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“Round two… 11 years later.”
It sounds simple when you say it like that. But the truth is, it feels less like a sequel and more like a full reboot.
Yes, I’ve done this before. Yes, I technically know what I’m doing. But in reality? I’m Googling just as much as I did the first time, because as most mums will tell you, your memory only holds onto the highlights.
The biggest shift isn’t knowledge. It’s perspective.
At 28, I had energy for days. I could work, socialise, stay up late and bounce back without thinking twice. Pregnancy felt like something I could slot into my life. At 40, it’s the opposite — pregnancy is the main event, and everything else adjusts around it. These days, my stamina stretches to about four to six solid business hours before I’m negotiating with myself about an afternoon nap.
And then there’s the body, because the body, as they say, keeps receipts.
No one really prepares you for how different pregnancy feels in your 40s. Everything takes a little longer. Aches linger. Sleep isn’t optional anymore, it’s essential. Add in being 4’9″ with polyhydramnios, and suddenly it becomes less about glowing pregnancy moments and more about logistics. Sitting too long? Uncomfortable. Standing too long? Also uncomfortable. I’ve become a master of repositioning, like I’m permanently in a slow-motion yoga class.
What I didn’t expect was how much this pregnancy would force me to slow down and how much I’d actually need that.
I’ve always loved being busy. Work, life, momentum, it’s where I thrive. But this time, productivity has been redefined. Some days, success looks like ticking off a few key tasks and allowing space for a (very necessary) rest. It’s a different pace, but not a worse one. Just… more intentional.
And with that shift has come something I never had the first time: a real sense of grounding.
In my twenties, everything felt urgent. I worried more, questioned more, and put pressure on myself to get everything “right.” Now, I’m more settled. More confident in who I am. I care less about the small things and trust myself more in the bigger ones. That, more than anything, has changed the experience.
If you had asked me a few years ago, I would have told you I was completely happy with one child. We had our rhythm. I’d done my time as a single mum and, in many ways, loved the independence that came with it. Then life shifted, my partner, who once said he didn’t want children, changed his mind. And just like that, our story changed too.
It wasn’t a quick or easy journey to get here, which has only added to the perspective I carry now. There’s more patience, more gratitude, and a deeper understanding that not everything happens on your timeline.
Turning 40 looked different than I imagined as well. Less champagne, more hot baths and early nights. Not exactly the celebration I had in mind, especially with a girls’ trip planned for later this year that feels very far away on the tougher days, but it reflects where life is right now. And that’s okay.
Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned the second time around, it’s this: you don’t need to do pregnancy perfectly.
You just need to move through it honestly.
I’m more relaxed, but also more realistic. I know what’s coming, the sleepless nights, the constant dependency, the complete shift back into being needed 24/7. Especially after years of having a child who sleeps well and thrives independently, it will be an adjustment.
But this time, I’m not trying to control it all.
I’m just here for it and counting down the last few (very long) days.