What’s one thing you should do on a first date? A psychologist weighs in with her top tips
Welcome to The One Thing! Every week we’re bringing you the one nugget of info that you need to know or didn’t know you needed to know! Whether it’s a tip to make your life a little easier, a pearl of wisdom, something to make you think, or maybe something to make you laugh, The One Thing is here to serve you every Friday!
If you’ve got a suggestion or submission for The One Thing – maybe something about the industry you work in that you think others should know! – please send your thoughts to alice@capsulenz.com. We’d love to hear from you!Psychologist Tiare Tolks has more than 20 years’ experience as an organisational development consultant and mental health therapist, most recently working with Compatico – a premium, personalised and private matchmaking service designed for those aged 40 and above.
She’s helped countless numbers of Kiwi women – whether it’s for help within their current relationship, or in finding love.
And, when it comes to organising a first date, she says there is one top piece of advice she’d give people.
“I’m a big believer in a side-by-side date, rather than face-to-face,” she says. “It just takes an element of the intensity out of it when you’re not sitting across from each other, looking directly at one another.”
It’s a similar theory to the one about kids in cars – if you’ve ever noticed that you seem to have the best, most honest, revealing, insightful and helpful conversations with your kids when you’re sitting next to them driving in the car. The fact that you’re both looking ahead, side-by-side, not in each other’s faces really takes the intensity and pressure out of the conversation.
But going back to a first date, Tiare says it’s all very good and well to grab a drink or a bite to eat sitting side-by-side at a café or restaurant that has that bar or kitchen style seating, but to really elevate your date, she recommends getting outside/
“Try something like a beautiful park, with a park bench to sit at with a cup of coffee,” she says. “Or grab a coffee and go for a walk on the beach. It’s really nice to combine nature because then you can also use the elements around you for discussion points.”
And maybe it might not be one you’re comfortable on for your very first date, but TIare says a great activity can be doing something together that pushes you out of your comfort zone.
“It doesn’t have to be anything extreme – it could even just be going somewhere that neither of you have gone before,” she says. “Anything that pushes you both out of your comfort zone is a really good thing to do. That’s going to stimulate you – so that’s very good for neural connections and your brain health. Also, you sort of have to drop your guard when you’re having to think about what you’re doing if it’s somewhere new, or something new you’re doing. That can take the pressure and intensity out of it.”