Three solo nights out on the town has convinced Emma Clifton about the benefits of solo dating.
One month ago, towards the start of the Season of Sickness, I found myself facing an age-old conundrum. My friend and I were supposed to be going to see the live show of The Guilty Feminist in Auckland’s North Shore, but she was sadly sick. I was in the brief golden window between getting the flu and – little did I know it that night – catching Covid for the second time*, and so I was torn: do I stay at home, or do I go solo?
A massively contributing factor is that I have a one-year old-son, and so – I say this with love – any reason to leave the house by myself takes on fervent levels of importance. I would – and have – relish the chance to just drive around alone in a car, so getting to do that PLUS sit down, alone, holding a wine? Fear of looking like a loner be damned, I was going out.
And wouldn’t you know it, it was a delight. Emboldened by this success, I then booked two events at the Auckland Writer’s Festival into my calendar to attend alone. I know the introvert versus extrovert discussion is well-trod territory by now, but getting to be by yourself in a room full of people has to be the best of both worlds. People, people everywhere but not a chat to have. It’s perfect when you want to have the excitement of planning something and going somewhere, but have the energy of a damp sponge.
The Benefits of Solo Dating
You Can Go Wherever You Want
Can’t convince anyone to attend your niche interest event, or is the group chat on week six of trying to organise a catch-up with no avail? Save yourself the admin and just book a solo ticket.
You Can Leave Whenever You Want
Leaving something early is a thrill. I left all three of my events early, even though I was enjoying them, because I could. No-one was there to stop me and it felt weirdly transgressive to be like “I think I’d like to leave now” and just do it, devil may care.
It’s Mysterious & Empowered
One of the biggest things that holds people back from going on solo dates is that they’re afraid people will judge them. Firstly, no-one is paying attention to you, they’re looking at their phones. Secondly, if by some chance they have looked up and seen you, they’re no doubt impressed and envious.
Early on in my relationship with my now husband, we took a trip to Nelson together. We were still at that stage where you’re nervous about filling the silence, and at a lunch, we sat next to a woman in her 50s who was dining solo, at a seat overlooking the water. She had a giant book, a dozen oysters and a tall glass of white wine. Years later, I can still remember how effortless and cool she looked – and how jealous I was of her low-key lunch. She wasn’t worrying about whether or not her jokes worked, like I was!
Last year at Christmas, in the midst of all of the getting of things and running around, I walked by a woman who was sitting opposite her French bulldog, and she (the woman) was eating her way through two bowls of pasta, while reading a book and drinking a glass of champagne. I’m not saying that a solo date with a book and a beverage is the solution to all of our problems… but it can’t hurt?
The Cons Of Solo Dating
There are NONE. (Just kidding, the cons are that you can’t share inside jokes with your friends and there is no-one to hold your glass/seat when you need to pee. But other than that, win win?)
So if there’s an event you want to go to, a free museum exhibition you’ve been wanting to check out, or, hell, a plate of pasta with your name on it, then book it in. Go ahead, date yourself!
*Ironically, after a busy fortnight of solo dates in glamorous and crowded rooms, I ended up catching Covid off a bus ride.