Welcome to TBH – To Be Honest – Capsule’s monthly column with our columnist and old pal, Brodie Kane! This month, Brodie is checking in with herself as the middle of the year approaches to make sure she doesn’t head back to burnout.
And for her previous columns, click here!
Every year, when the winter solstice hits, I go for a swim in the ocean. It’s a bit of a tradition in our family – Mum says it’s to celebrate the shortest day of the year being past us and that we’re only destined for longer days from here. To be clear, that’s the beach-obsessed Kane family’s take on it – I’m aware there are many more meanings to it!
It’s also a good time to stop and reflect on the first part of the year, and look ahead to how to tackle the second half. Nothing like a bit of a fresh AF ocean dip to draw a mid-year line in the sand eh!
For me, this year, it’s been really important to keep tabs on myself on every level. You may remember I wrote about my experience with burnout which hit me last year, and it would be fair to say that the tail on that thing is quite long – it definitely took a good chunk of the first half of 2024 to have enough measures in place to come out the other side.
So, today, I’m writing to tell you, the reader, to stop and check up on yourself.
How are you feeling mid-way through this year?
There’s no right or wrong answer to that question but I know that there are many people out there struggling. The struggles do not discriminate – whether it’s emotionally or financially or both. Feelings of existential dread are very real in the current climate.
Now, I’m certainly no expert, but I’ve learnt things from people along the way and I thought I could share some of them with you. They’re certainly helping me through the year and while I certainly am not always nailing it, I’m really bloody giving all of these a go (as you’ll see though, you don’t have to do them all at the same time!).
1 – I had an amazing Kiwi Yarns kōrero with Sir John Kirwan and I absolutely will shamelessly tell you to go and listen to that right now if you haven’t already. It was the most valuable therapy I’ve ever had. He has pieces of paper on his walls to remind him that these are the things that he needs to do to take care of his mental health – Move, Chill, Celebrate, Connect, Enjoy and Do. JK has different activities or things under each of those which are his go-to’s to help him on the daily.
2 – Protect your time. Even though Covid was a right bastard and the sting in that tail is longer than any of us would’ve liked, you may remember how special it was in the early C-times – we HAD time. We had time to spend with people, but also the pace slowed right down. Fast-forward to now and we’re all so goddamn busy again and a lot of that, I believe, is still feeling like we’ve got to make up for lost time. I think we’re all really guilty of over-committing to things, or stretching ourselves too thin because we generally tend to be people pleasers. So, here is your reminder: your time is precious and you need to protect it. This has been a game-changer for me, but only because I’ve got way better at doing the next one…
3 – Say NO. We struggle with that one don’t we? When we do say no, we’re terrified we’re going to let people down, or worry what people will think, which leads us back to the strife we get into with point three – we overcommit, say yes to too many things, run ourselves ragged and can’t give the things that matter 100%. It screws us over and we need to stop it, because if we’re not looking after ourselves, then we’re not in a position to offer our best to others, which is what we think we are doing when we say yes too much (you’re following eh?). If you need help in saying no, here are a couple of options you can mix and merge I prepared earlier:
“Thank you so much for the opportunity, unfortunately I do not have the capacity to take on any more work at this time. I’m sorry I’m not in a position to be able to take on any more commitments at the moment.“
Now, you do NOT need to add in any part of a life story, or a justification with those. It’s as simple as that.
4 – Stop and smell the roses. Now, this is quite an old idiom but shit it’s relevant and shit it’s helpful. It means to relax; to take time out of one’s busy schedule to enjoy or appreciate the beauty of life. A good friend of mine last year, in the thick of the great burnout of 2023, told me I didn’t do anywhere near enough of this. We were talking about all the things I had done that year and she asked if I had ‘stopped to smell the roses’. I couldn’t remember the last time I had. And I don’t think it’s just for enjoying and appreciating the beauty of life, I think it’s for stopping and reflecting on all you’ve achieved. Celebrating your successes, no matter how big or small. I encourage everyone to try to do this a bit more because while there is a lot of bad going on in the world, you can ALWAYS find good and beauty – and now more than ever we need it.
5 – For the last one, we go back to JK for. You’ve got to do DOT before you do DAT. Don’t read all of this and get overwhelmed (like I did haha) and think shit you have to remember to do all these good things now, amidst everything else you’ve got going on. You’ll end up stressing out more! So, DOT. Do one thing. Do one thing before you do DAT. Then you’re ready for DAT. Do another thing. One thing at a time.
So, there’s my little middle-of-the-year checklist. I hope it helps you in some way. And despite us being just past the winter solstice, if you need one more, I can highly recommend throwing yourself in the ocean – it’s never too late for that one. It always works.
Arohanui x