‘Aren’t you a bit too old for that?’ It’s the question (or is it more of a statement someone is trying to make?!) that absolutely makes our skin crawl. And, as it would happen it absolutely riles the bejesus out of our wonderful columnist Brodie Kane who is right now living her best life, dancing her socks off at Coachella.
Welcome to TBH – To Be Honest – Capsule’s monthly column with our columnist and old pal, Brodie Kane! This month, Brodie talks about this obsession we have with age and what is appropriate to do at certain ages and what is expected from us – especially in our late thirties. (A little hint/pep talk here: you can actually do whatever the heck YOU would like to do with your life).
And for her previous columns, click here!
So by the time you are reading this, I’ll be right in the thick of weekend two of Coachella – a massive music and arts festival held near Palm Springs in California which attracts around 100,000 people a day, and is big enough to have been replicated and held over two weekends. The headliners this year are Lady Gaga, Post Malone, Green Day, Charli XCX, Megan Thee Stallion, Travis Scott and a plethora of other big acts.
Now, to say I’m excited (at the time of writing this I am 36 hours away from departure) would be an understatement. Going to Coachella has been on my bucket list for a good chunk of my adult life. I love music, I live for live music, and I absolutely froth a music festival.
I am a proud Rhythm and Vines festival veteran – and I distinctly remember the following judgemental statement disguised as a question being asked of me at least twice before – when attending New Zealand’s most epic festival – and I’ve just had it again ahead of Coachella.
“Aren’t you too old for that now?”
“Too old for what?” I retort.
The audacity! This time I added “Too old to dance? Too old to see some of my favourite musicians? Too old to travel? Too old to be utterly joyous? Which one is it??”
Now, I’m 38-years old. I am single, I am someone who loves a busy and full life, and I also will take opportunities and live to the absolute fullest while I can.
And, what exactly, is it that I am supposed to be doing?
Having children? Well society would tell me I’m nearly getting too old for that too.
And society would probably prefer I find a partner to do that with.
Settling down? And what do we propose that actually means? And, coincidentally I do feel extremely settled, living and working in beautiful Tāmaki Makaurau.
More time in the garden and kitchen?
Or should I be making sure I “age well” because lord knows us women need to worry about that for society don’t we?
We women are already classic over-thinkers, and our harshest critics are ourselves. We don’t need the additional noise of bullshit societal judgement squarely based on completely out-of-date norms.
And breaking news, I think I’m capable of deciding when I am “too old” for something.
And I tell you what, I’m living the best years of my life. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t realise that. So why wouldn’t I grab it by the proverbial and run with it.
Funnily enough, a colleague (and yes she was a she) said to me yesterday “I’m too old now” (referencing her thinking she was too old for Coachella) to which I responded with exactly what I’d said to the judgey human the other day: “Too old for what?? Too old to dance? Too old to see some of your favourite musicians? Too old to travel? Too old to be utterly joyous? Which one is it??”
She didn’t have an answer for that. She knew I was right.
So as I dance in my carefully curated Coachella outfits for three days (and yes indeed it will take me longer to recover than it did in my 20s NO DOUBT) ticking off a bucket list item, living the absolute dream, I set yourself two challenges: next time you second-guess yourself and your age – give yourself an uppercut. It is so important to do the things that bring you joy – SO IMPORTANT.
And, if a judgey human asks you what they asked me, a simple: “Too old for what??” should stop them in their tracks.
See you front left (actually that’s a lie now, I’m too old for that, it’s back right now hahahahaha).