Stalking is not a crime in NZ – despite the fact that it is in much of the rest of the world, and, is leaving scores of women (and men) in New Zealand living in fear. As they’ve told Alice Hampson, some fear for their lives and their children’s lives. Today, the Coalition for the Safety of Women and Children and AVA will hand over a petition, calling on the Government to urgently make stalking illegal. This is due to be delivered to Minister of Justice Paul Goldsmith in person at 1 pm Wednesday 26 June 2024. We desperately hope it will make a difference.
When I started this short series on stalking, I thought it would be just that, pretty short.
Maybe I’d get a handful of women who had experiences with stalking. Maybe some of them would be odd, unpleasant – maybe there would be a quite frightening one or two.
It’s always tough delving into darker subjects, but I’ve got through a yearly stints of writing stories for Baby Loss Awareness Week (the stories I always find the absolute toughest) and I’ve written a lot of Divorce Diaries and spoken to more than a hundred women now who have been through it – some have had hideous, frightening divorces. But nothing could quite prepare me for what my inbox has seen these last few weeks.
There were enough emails to make this series a very long one, and there are a few emails and messages that will stay on my mind for a very long time. Most of them ended with the words:
“I am terrified he will kill me one day,” or, “One day, this man is going to murder me,” or, the most chilling, “My greatest fear is no longer that he’ll kill me, but that he’ll kill my daughter as well.”
Scores of women in NZ are living in fear. Most of them have been to the police. But, due to the fact that stalking is not a crime in New Zealand, many of them have been disappointed in the response they have got.
That’s not to say there aren’t positive stories though. One woman told me she went to the police with print outs of every phone call from her stalker – her former husband. She set about going through the courts to get a Protection Order, but thankfully, just the threat of legal action was enough to stop her former partner.
Another woman’s ex-partner was not deterred by her going to the police, and denied any wrong doing. In fact, he tried to turn the tables on her and say that she was “crazy” and an “unfit mother”. Thankfully, she had evidence – in the form of a print out of every text message he’d sent her since they broke up (there were thousands and many were threatening) – that would suggest otherwise and was granted a Protection Order.
But, unfortunately, while stalking is still not seen as a crime, it’s hard to get action.
Most of the women I spoke to just wanted to say thank you for doing this series – they had horrible experiences themselves, and ideally would love to share their experiences, but felt it would be too risky, no matter how anonymous we tried to make their story. They were too afraid that their stalker may recognise some part of it and start ramping things up, or there would be some sort of repercussion.
I’ve also had a few messages saying that I’m wrong, that we have laws around harassment that protect women. And yes, they are correct – we do have the Harrassment Act and the Communications Act, as well as Cybercrime laws. Laws, that you would hope would protect us. But, if the women I have spoken to are anything to go by, these laws are pitifully inadequate.
“I get phone calls around the clock, day and night from a blocked number,” says one Capsule reader we’ll call Jane. “I know it’s him. It’s how he knows he can keep me afraid and let me know he is always there. The police say there’s nothing they can do. I can’t block a blocked number. I know he’s been in my house and moved a couple of things around so that I know he’s been in. But the police couldn’t find an obvious place he’d broken in and he didn’t take anything so they said no crime had happened. It’s mind games. All from one date I went on with this man years ago.”
Another Capsule reader told us her stalker is someone she dated very briefly also. “That’s actually made it harder to get any traction with the police, I reckon,” she says. “It’s not a family harm or domestic violence situation. He just denies everything and says I’m the one who is crazy. I thought the Harassment Act would cover me, but I don’t have enough evidence. He’s never assaulted me or threatened to, but I feel like that would be the only thing that would get police intervention at this stage. I feel like he’s going to have to hurt me for someone to help me.”
It’s a chilling sentiment, especially after reading an R U OK report that stated 15% of stalking cases worldwide result in homicide. Research in the US indicates that 76% of all homicides of women started with stalking.
“I don’t think anyone realizes how terrifying it is,” says a Capsule reader, Kelly. “I never know when he is going to make contact, so I am always on edge. He has been confronted about it and says I’m making things up and he’s only ever tried to just be friendly to me. I’m always wondering when the phone is going to ring next though, or if he’s following me. I wonder if things are going to escalate. The things he does are so unhinged, I’m not sure what he is capable of, but I’m sure it’s not good.”
A former policeman, Darren, says the law needs to change. “It’s not seen as a crime, it’s seen as just someone annoying somebody, which is the sad thing about the Harasssment Act,” he says. “This is nothing about somebody being annoying to someone, this is about psychologically controlling someone’s life.”
He says stalking isn’t just about the moments in which offenders make contact with their victims. “It’s all the downtime when the victim is wondering when the next text is going to come, when the next email is going to come, when the next threat is going to come,” he says. “So it’s not just at that point of actual offending – that’s why stalking is a 24/7 nightmare for these victims.”
Despite our inadequate laws, he says it’s vital that women still go to the police and get it on record – sooner rather than later. “They have to reach out for assistance,” he says. “They need to confide in someone – whether it’s a family member or a neighbour. And the earlier the better. They need to go to the police. They need to at least advise the police and lodge a harassment complaint with the police. They need to obtain as much evidence as possible – just keep a record of every and any interaction with the offender.”
Today’s Petition
The Coalition for the Safety of Women and Children and AVA will hand over a petition, calling on the Government to urgently make stalking illegal, to Minister of Justice Paul Goldsmith in person at 1 pm Wednesday 26 June 2024. Two opposition spokespeople for the Prevention of Family and Sexual Violence Ginny Andersen (Labour) and Marama Davidson (Greens) will also be there to accept the petition with the Minister. Ms Davidson has kindly confirmed her attendance, and the CSWCA wish her the very best for her upcoming health leave).
The petition will be presented by Leonie Morris (Chair of the Coalition for the Safety of Women and Children), Dr Natalie Thorburn, Principal Policy Advisor, Women’s Refuge, Dr Alison Towns (violence prevention expert) and Dr Suzanne Manning, National President, National Council of Women.
The petition handover follows on from last month’s open letter with 80 signatories – in business, politics, law, entertainment, media, and academia – calling on Minister of Justice Paul Goldsmith to urgently make stalking illegal. The minister has written back acknowledging some of the harms of stalking, and stating the Government will turn to stalking as priorities allow. However, he has not committed to a timeline to introduce urgently-needed stalking legislation, and the Coalition is deeply concerned at the lack of action. A lack of proactive championship from previous ministers (despite their supportive words) resulted in little-to-no progress in this area in the past.
The Coalition are therefore urging the Minister to commit to a near-future deadline for the introduction of anti-stalking legislation to the House. The petition calls for urgency.
Last month’s open letter is here.
