Anyone out there entering midlife – or in the thick of it – asking themselves, ‘Is This It?!’ Well, you’re not alone. Kiwi Nikki Taylor helps women around the world who are navigating the midlife years – and a huge number of responsibilities – many of whom are suddenly wondering if they’re in the right job…
“My twenties and thirties sped past,” says Nikki Taylor, “and suddenly I was in my forties carrying far more responsibility than I expected.”
Anyone else in their forties and beyond reading that sentence and finding themselves nodding along with Nikki right now too?
Midlife – which is generally viewed as the time when you’re aged between 40 and 60 – has a sneaky way of creeping up on you. One day, you suddenly find yourself looking in the mirror, slightly surprised by the person looking back at you. You’re all of a sudden wondering if those wrinkles and grey strands of hair are just an inevitable outcome from the passing of time, or if they can be blamed on the sea of responsibilities you now seem to drowning in. Because now, there always seems to be something or someone who urgently needs your time, attention, or money (often it’s actually all three). All at a time when your body and hormones are shifting and you could really do with some TLC yourself.
“Yes, midlife can be incredibly complex,” says Nikki. “Many women find themselves providing multigenerational care for both children and their ageing parents, all while managing life including careers, relationships, transitions, and their own wellbeing to name a few.”
Nikki – a Kiwi who has built a successful international career in HR, training, business strategy, sales and coaching, and was trained by some of the world’s best experts and coaches (including Tony Robbins, Dr. Richard Bandler, and Dr. John De Martini) – recently wrote a book for anyone who is approaching midlife, or in the thick of it, quietly asking themselves, ‘Is this it?!’
Her book – yes, titled Is This It – is specifically written for female professionals aged 35-55 who are navigating the complexity of midlife – a stage where, despite external success, many feel uncertain, overwhelmed, or disconnected from themselves. It’s a book she wanted to write, because she was surprised at the lack of resources available for when you’re in the thick of it yourself.
“I was taken back by both the pressure and the lack of conversation around it [entering midlife],” she says. “Turning 40 during a global pandemic certainly amplified that experience, but it also highlighted how important it is that we talk about the realities of this stage of life.”
Because often, it’s the downsides that are most talked about during these years – not the massive potential that exists within each of us.
“By midlife, we’ve experienced success, disappointment, grief, change and growth,” says Nikki. “We’ve navigated challenges we never imagined and learnt lessons that only come through lived experience. I wish more women would pause and recognise just how much they have already overcome. Midlife isn’t the beginning of decline, it’s often the beginning of greater self-awareness, confidence and clarity.”
Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Something Nikki sees so, so frequently is women in their 30s or 40s suddenly questioning the career path they’re currently on.
“When you reach your late 30s or 40s it often prompts a re-evaluation of career paths and direction,” she writes in Is This It. “It’s a time when many ask, ‘How did I get here? Do I still enjoy this? What else could I do?’ These questions are common as we face the reality of career stagnation, dissatisfaction or significant life changes. If you are asking yourself these questions, this is totally normal, and there are many others also doing the same.”
Nikki says a huge number of women during this part of their lives, stay in unfulfilling jobs due to a sense of loyalty – or fear.
“Many of us stay longer than we should because we’re hopeful things will improve,” she tells Capsule. “We tell ourselves that if we work harder, give it another chance, or allow a little more time, things will eventually change. They don’t.
“The problem is that remaining in an environment that no longer aligns with our values, strengths or goals can slowly erode our confidence and self-worth. It’s often not dramatic, it’s more like a paper cut that keeps reopening over time.”
Nikki says at the heart of the problem is for many women in midlife, we’ve spent years prioritising the needs of others.
“Putting ourselves first can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable,” she says. “Yet staying in a role that drains us emotionally can affect every aspect of our wellbeing.”
“The good news is that by midlife, we have decades of experience, transferable skills and knowledge that are often far more valuable than we realise. A career change is not starting from nothing, which we can tell ourselves.”
Nikki says if you’ve been feeling unfulfilled by your job or career – listen to that voice inside that is wondering if there’s something else out there that would better serve you.
“My advice is not to quit impulsively,” she says. “Instead, get curious. Explore what interests you, talk to your network, consider upskilling, investigate different industries, who has done this that could help you and think about what you want the next stage of your career to look like. Midlife can be an incredibly powerful time to reset and redesign your working life with greater intention for where you are now.”
Is This It? – Essential Lessons to Navigating Midlife Confusion with Confidence by Nikki Taylor is out now.