DRIVE TO SUCCEED: CAPSULE’S WORKING WOMEN’S CAREER HUB, POWERED BY TOYOTA
We know how important networking is for the professional woman – we’re up against it in almost every area in the workplace, from pay equity, career opportunities, discrimination and balancing work life with becoming mothers.
Women know better than anyone that life takes a village, and it’s no different when it comes to our careers. Here’s our way of changing the game for us working women! Along with monthly columns, we’ll be reaching out and forming a community with you, New Zealand’s working women, on Substack and via a dedicated Instagram channel where you can connect with like-minded gals, potential mentors and the network you need to thrive in your career. We know how important networking is for the professional woman. Women know better than anyone that life takes a village, and it’s no different when it comes to our careers. Here’s our way of changing the game for us working women! Along with monthly columns, we’ll be reaching out and forming a community with you, New Zealand’s working women, on Substack and via a dedicated Instagram channel where you can connect with like-minded gals, potential mentors and the network you need to thrive in your career.
In this edition, we’re talking mentors: how to find one, how to ask someone to be your mentor and how to be a good mentor. We’re joined by mentoring expert, Dr Galia BarHava!
When it comes to mentoring, Dr Galia BarHava is one of NZ’s very top experts. She’s personally mentored hundreds of people, plus facilitated countless more through her business, Oro Group Mentoring.
An expert in organisational culture (plus, she’s a psychologist with a Phd in person-centered healthcare!) Dr Galia founded Oro Group, which delivers large-scale mentoring programs to corporations globally – everyone from Microsoft to ASB Bank. Previously, she’s worked as the inaugural Head of Ethics for NZ’s largest company, Fonterra and has held several board positions, including Deputy Chair of New Zealand’s National Advisory Council on the Employment of Women. Her relentless advocacy for women’s advancement earned her recognition as an Edmund Hillary Fellow.
Dr Galia also really tells things how they are – there’s no sugar-coating when it comes to her delivery. Which is why she’s the perfect person to go to for some honest advice on mentoring – and some harsh truths about what to (and not to do!) on your search for a mentor, as well as best practices once you’ve managed to get one!
Finding a Mentor
Out in the wild, talking to people face-to-face can be a great place to find your mentor. Heading along to networking events – or at least an event with the potential to do some networking – is a great place to start. If it’s an event that’s piqued your interest, there’s sure to be some like-minded people attending it.
But don’t get too ahead of yourself just yet, says Dr Galia. You don’t want to head into an event with a game-plan already mapped out: the key is to have your mind open. You don’t know who you’re going to meet!
“First of all, don’t ever go into a networking event thinking, ‘I want to find a mentor’,” she says. “That cognitive framing is really important, because then you’re already extractive. Go curious! Be authentic!”
Dr Galia says it’s essential to go in being your true, authentic self. Don’t be who you think people want you to be, or what you could say that might make these people think you’re clever, or accomplished or whatever you might want them to think of you: just be you.
“You’re not there selling yourself, you’re being curious about others,” she says. She recommends asking people about themselves, with thoughtful questions and really listening to what they have to say.
If you’ve been talking to someone for a while who you are really clicking with, Dr Galia recommends asking for their contact details to keep in touch with them.
But if networking events aren’t your thing – or you haven’t had much luck with them, the internet can be a great place to find one.
“LinkedIn is a really good space,” says Dr Galia.
If there’s someone you have in mind – look them up! Or have a good search through – especially connections you have in common. And then, summon up the courage to send them a message, asking if you could please meet up with them for a quick coffee.
Dr Galia says mentorships really need to be a win-win situation for both parties. So, keep in mind: what might this person gain from mentoring you?
In some of Dr Galia’s past mentorships, she says she’s had the benefit of getting insights into what’s going on in younger generations: how do they think, interact with each other, what struggles are they facing, what are their strengths etc. Other times mentorships have helped her with specific interests – like the young man she mentored who had a start-up that involved blockchains (something she wanted to understand better herself). Whatever that win is for each side, you want it to be present to have a fulfilling, worthwhile mentorship.
Asking Them to Be Your Mentor
Ok, so you have someone in mind who you’d love to be your mentor. But, how do you actually go about asking them? Why does it feel as daunting as asking someone out on a date?!?
Dr Galia recommends inviting your prospective mentor to have a coffee to discuss it with them.
But, there’s a few things she wants you to do before having that coffee – because she’s seen many women make the same mistake, over and over again.
“Over the years a lot of people have asked me to have a coffee with them,” she says. “I’m a busy person, but I’ve often said yes – I go along, and I look for certain things as a mentor. Unfortunately, many women don’t come prepared.
“They’ve asked to have a coffee with me, but they’re not prepared. Young men are: They’ve looked at my profile, they come prepared with questions and they know what they want to get from this meeting. That’s highly satisfying for me. Whereas a lot of women, especially young women, come and they’re not prepared – they haven’t looked at my profile, they don’t have questions, they’re not prepared, they just want to chat. That’s not a great use of my time.”
So, Dr Galia’s biggest piece of advice is just to go prepared. Invite them for a coffee and make sure you arrive on time, or early!
“Say ‘thank you so much for having a coffee with me’,” she says. ”’I looked at your profile. I really love that you do xyz. Here are some things I really want to hear your perspective on.’ That’s highly satisfying for me.”
During the coffee, you’ll want to work out if this person is a good match for you – and vice versa.
“For example, if you want me to mentor you, I don’t sugarcoat things,” says Dr Galia. “I’ll just tell you what I think. So, you know, it’s up to you if you can deal with that, and if not, maybe I’m not the right mentor. I don’t have to change my style to suit someone if they want me to mentor them – and vice versa!”
If they feel like a good match, just come out and tell them that you would love it if they would be your mentor and how you see that working.
Being a Good Mentor
Dr Galia recommends keeping that same mind-frame as you move forward with your mentor. You don’t want to waste their time. Come prepared every time you meet up – have specific problems you want to ask their help on and topics you’d like to cover.
Don’t just turn up ready to have a chat. “Otherwise it’s just catching up for a coffee like you would with a friend,” she says. “That’s not what mentoring is.”
Beyond that, there’s a few ground rules Dr Galia likes to put in place. She likes to have these catch-ups happening regularly – perhaps once a month.
“But it’s up to you to organise the catch-ups,” she says. “Come ready with something you want to workshop. If we decide there are things you’re going to follow up, or I introduce you to someone, I expect you to follow it up! You must do what you say you’re going to do. That’s important.”
The last thing that’s highly important in a mentorship, says Dr Galia, is confidentiality. If someone is going to be open and honest with you – perhaps help you learn from some of their mistakes, which they’re generous enough to share with you, keep those stories to yourself.
“Whatever you say, needs to stay between the two of you,” she says. “There must be that trust. There must be confidentiality.”