Who knew that having a work nemesis is actually very common? And could it actually be a good thing for your career progression?
What is a work nemesis exactly? Not your friend, and not necessarily your enemy, but someone you’re envious of and want to outshine at work.
Is that a bad thing? Well, in a Marie Claire story called ‘Why that really annoying work nemesis is actually very good for you’, Clare Thorp writes that “there is one type of workplace adversary that can be beneficial to our careers. The nemesis. A nemesis is a rival, of sorts. It’s that person who snags a job, project or promotion you think should have been yours, gets more recognition than you or just seems to be climbing that ladder a little faster.
“They might not always be doing better than you, but when they are, it really riles [you]. You don’t hate them as such – you might even kind of respect them. But their actions frequently bug you, and bring out the green-eyed monster within.”
Jenny*, an account manager at a creative agency in Auckland, has a work nemesis. “I hadn’t called her that until now – because I don’t hate her or anything – but your definition definitely applies, particularly given that her outdoing me at work does rile me.”
How did it start? “So, when I got my job, my boss kept saying what a talent I was, and how I was excelling – then Kate got hired, doing the only other job at the same level as me. She gets all her work done early, she gets better feedback than I do, she’s always smiling, always calm, always beautiful.
“Basically, she came along when I felt it was my time to shine – which I realise is no fault of her own.”
Jarringly, Kate was asked to oversee a project that Jenny had been working on for months. “I considered that mine. Then she got to tell me what to do on that project! Gah.”
Do their skills differ much? “Well, I think I’m more organised and detail-focused, whereas she probably has better out-of-the-box ideas.” Jenny has learned some things from Kate. “I’ve upped my game at work. I’m thinking more laterally.”
Is Kate aware that she’s Jenny’s work nemesis? “I think she knows there’s a bit of a rivalry. It would be embarrassing if it was only from my end! To be honest, I’m a bit embarrassed about telling you all this, but I also reckon I’m not the only person in this boat.”
Turns Out, Most Of Us Have A Work Nemesis
Having a work nemesis is more common than you might think. Employment site Total Jobs surveyed 7000 workers and found that 62% of women have a work enemy, whether they’re a major rival or an irritant. That person is likely to be the same gender, and difficult workplace relationships tend to affect women more negatively than men.
Jenny aside, I know of three women who have (or had) a work nemesis, but two didn’t want to talk about it, feeling embarrassed about ‘admitting it’. The third, Mel*, doesn’t want to give many details. “But I thought my work nemesis was better at her job than I was. I think the rivalry was a two-way street, but it stayed an unspoken thing. It didn’t feel great, but the calibre of her work improved the calibre of my work.” The nemesis got a promotion and Mel got a great job somewhere else. “So, it turned out fine. She used to really annoy me, but that was maybe situational.”
The Relatable Thrill Of a Work Nemesis
American author, professor, and cultural commentator Roxane Gay has half a million Twitter followers. As the aforementioned Marie Claire article says, “Roxane Gay has been tweeting about her (unnamed) nemeses for a few years now, just this summer saying: ‘My nemesis got a job I was in the running for. I had paused plotting against her for the holiday. I won’t let that happen again’.”
“There, in that last line of her tweet, is the power of a nemesis. It might sound a little ominous – but what she’s saying is that witnessing her nemesis’ success will spur her on to do better next time. Replying recently to one Twitter follower, Roxane recently explained: ‘You don’t need to sabotage a nemesis. You want to defeat them through your excellence rather than their failings’.”
Here’s another of her tweets: “My nemesis is having a good year professionally and has clear skin. It’s a lot to take”. Relatable.
Huffington Post writer Claire Fallon interviewed “the queen of nemesis Twitter” and discovered that Roxane has six nemeses, recorded on her phone’s Notes app. She wasn’t naming names, but Claire worked out that two of the nemeses are writers/reviewers who were rude about Roxane, another is a writer she’s jealous of, and another is a celebrity. “‘Having a nemesis is emotional catharsis,’ explained Gay. ‘I don’t really want bad things to befall them beyond say, papercuts and abject failure’.”
With her humorous touch, Roxane inspired others with public profiles to tweet that they have nemeses. Some have had fun with the idea. Writer, actor and director Natasha Rothwell tweeted “To Whom It May Concern: There’s been an influx of applications to be my nemesis. Know that I’ll be reviewing every submission thoroughly and once a decision has been made the universe will be notified, as will my therapist. Thank you for your interest!”
On Twitter, #worknemesis is a popular hashtag, as people tweet about it without naming names. As the Huffington Poststory says, “the nemesis tweet seems relatable, down-to-earth and honest, with a tinge of campy drama that serves to make our own petty impulses feel heroically larger-than-life”.
I also think it helpfully allows people to let off steam. Some tweets are grumpy, others are funny, others show progress. Here are three recent #worknemesis tweets: “how does one not have work nemeses? Unfathomable”; “if you don’t have a theme song for your nemesis at work, you’re not trying hard enough”; and “#worknemesis and I seem to have come to a tacit détente. Indeed, we are putt-putting along just fine today”.
The Upsides Of Having A Work Nemesis
Elle Hunt, a journalist who grew up and worked in New Zealand, now lives in England where she’s a regular contributor to the Guardian, and has written for the Observer, the New York Times, GQ, Vogue, Vice, Slate, New Scientist, Esquire, Grazia, etc.
Elle’s essay about the unexpected upsides of having a nemesis morphed into a short book called Why Everyone Needs a Nemesis: Harnessing Pettiness for Greatness. She wrote about the topic in this article ‘Great rivals: how a nemesis can make you more effective and successful’.
Elle writes that having a nemesis can actually improve your performance at work. “As an ambitious, occasionally petty person, I have long understood that the power to motivate myself lies in an imagined competition with people who probably don’t think of me at all. At the time of writing I have four nemeses. Three were formed at old jobs, over professional slights or disagreements that are intensely felt but tedious to explain; they themselves are oblivious. The fourth knows what she did.”
“I see my embrace of nemeses as fairly harmless. Picking a colleague to serve as your antagonist makes your life more like a sitcom, and less like wage slavery on the slow march towards death. And if they really are your antagonist, so much the better (so long as it is kept in check). In embracing the rivalry, you can unlock its potential benefits, and possibly, actually win.”
“My emotional response to my nemeses’ activities and achievements – usually never even voiced – is often most revealing about my own desires and insecurities. If their news makes me churn internally, I realise that it is something I want for myself, encouraging me to think about taking steps to make it happen.”
Does Your Work Nemesis Know?
Your work nemesis may have no idea you feel the way you do. An article called ‘You Have A Nemesis At Work, And It’s Not Who You Think It Is’ quotes Noah Eisenkraft, an American professor of organisational behaviour whose research field is ‘dyadic meta-accuracy’: thinking about how other people think about you.
“‘We realized there was a blind spot,’ Eisenkraft says. ‘We hadn’t explored [this research] in terms of negative relationships – ones marked by competition and rivalry’.”
“‘We know who our friends are – we think those relationships are reciprocal, and they often are,’ Eisenkraft says. ‘But for rivalries, we think we’re competing against someone, but often it’s not reciprocated.”
As the story says, “misidentifying someone as a rival can cause you to shut that person out and miss out on a potentially rewarding professional and personal relationship”.
Of course, that’s not always the case, but things can improve. On Twitter, ‘Airhammer’ recently posted: “my #worknemesis did something pretty fantastic for me at work yesterday. Now she’s just a co-worker, and that’s cool”.
