Kelly Bertrand gives the viral TikTok ‘Romanticise your life’ trend a go – with SURPRISING results
“You have to start romanticising your life,” a young woman’s voice trills from my iPhone, as twinkly, vaguely aspirational music plays in the background. “You have to start thinking of yourself as the main character. Because if you don’t, life will continue to pass you by. And all the little things that make it so beautiful will continue to go unnoticed.”
Instagram algorithm and I have a complicated relationship at the moment – lately it seems that it really wants me to have a baby like, asap (nooooooooo thank you) and is also somehow convinced I really want to see golf videos (even more of a nooooooo). But when this viral video and all its incantations hit my FYP I have to admit, I was intrigued.
‘Romanticise your life’ has been a social media trend for a year or so now since the original poster, Ashley Ward’s call to action video first went viral a couple of years ago when the world was in the darkest clutches of the pandemic (the sourdough baking specifically, when we were looking to give our lives SOME kind of meaning). It’s a concept that draws from a few previous trends and movements – being the main character of your own life (or leading lady if you’re a fan of Kate Winslet in The Holiday); a little bit of Danish concept of hygge and the arts of mindfulness and gratitude, with a sprinkle of Lucky Girl Syndrome.
In short, romanticising your life is about finding happiness, peace, joy and gratitude within yourself by making the most of, and finding the joy within your everyday tasks. It’s finding the magic in the minutiae and the mundane to enhance the life you have rather than yearn for an aspirational and better version that you might never have.
I’ve always been a big believer in finding the joy in the little things so the ‘romanticise your life’ concept isn’t that foreign to me. But this seems more intentional, more determined than just happening upon a moment of happiness during the day – this is making sure there are little moments of joy. It’s not toxic positivity – it’s about appreciating the goodness that is all around.
When you look up #romanticizeyourlife on TikTok or Instagram, you’ll be overwhelmed with videos – almost one billion and counting – and you’ll notice that the trend has been somewhat commandeered by wealthy white women influencers harping on about overseas travel and pantry organisation systems that cost more than my food budget for an entire month.
“Damn it, IT CHANGED THE GAME. I felt like Dean Martin and Nigella Lawson’s love child and I absolutely dug it.” – Kelly Bertrand
But once you sift through hyper-organised kitchens and Amazon hauls, you’ll see thousands of videos from normal people just finding super-specific, small moments in their day that bring them a little bit of romance – a woman wearing a bright colour she’s been too afraid to put on; someone else making a scrapbook; another person cutting their strawberries into heart shapes just because they bloody can; mums finding the time to sit down and enjoy a cup of tea rather than drink it while multitasking, and SO many normal people simply turning off the overhead lights and lighting up a candle or two.
In fact, the original vibe of the #romanticiseyourlife movement is to eschew materialism and the ‘that girl’ aesthetic (you know the one – Frank Green drink bottles, Lululemon pants, reformer Pilates and Chloe tote bags.)
So I wondered if I could romanticise my own life for a week and see what happened – and if I felt any happier, joyful or peaceful at the end of it. So after a fair bit of social media research, half a bottle of rosé and a notepad, here’s what I did:
- I changed my morning bathroom routine to make it more luxurious: My research (four hours scrolling on TikTok) told me that romanticising your life and self-care were very much intertwined, so I started right at the beginning of my day – the shower/skincare routine. It’s something I usually rush through and consider a bit of a chore (I’m notoriously impatient) and also, who the hell has 15 minutes in the morning to spend preening in front of a mirror? But in the interests of science I gave it a whirl – I put on my new favourite happy morning playlist (see below), lit a candle, got out my fluffy robe and new slippers, arranged my nice skincare on the bathroom counter and, after my shower where I tried my best to do a little mindfulness in between the cleansing and shaving and just a little bit of singing (Walking in Memphis, if you’re curious), I enjoyed my skincare routine.I really liked it – I managed to create a moment of calm, just for myself, in the morning before the craziness of the day took hold and I was genuinely in a better mood when I left the house (apart from the panic I’d forgotten to blow the candle out – maybe those candle warmers ARE the right idea?!). So far, so good.
- I paid attention to playlists: Speaking of playlists, instead of just turning on shuffle mode on Spotify, I instead endeavoured to match the music to the vibe: deep focus for work, happy kitchen music for cooking, romantic mix for an at-home date night with my boyfriend. Such a simple thing, but having tunes that helped set the mood really elevated even the most mundane of tasks. I even went quite meta and played a ‘Italian Cooking and Dining’ playlist while I was making pasta, and damn it, IT CHANGED THE GAME. I felt like Dean Martin and Nigella Lawson’s love child and I absolutely dug it.
- I really went deep into home fragrance: Regular readers of Capsule will know that we’re obsessed with candles and at last count I had about 15 dotted around my (tiny) unit. If I’m at home there’s usually one burning (well, not during the mornings but how this has changed!). But I levelled this up by fragrance zoning the house to match each room’s distinct vibe – fresh and fruity for the kitchen, romantic musk for the bedroom, clean and uncomplicated for the office etc.
- I bought fresh flowers: In what was one of my only two small expenditures in my Make Life Romantic Again quest, I popped up to the dairy to buy a small bouquet of tulips. I work by myself from home most of the time, and most of that time is staring into a wall via this computer, so if any surface needed a bit of romance, the desk was it. And I have to tell you, they made me smile every damn time I looked at them.
- I baked friands to have with my morning coffee: As I mentioned, I spend quite a bit of time alone during the day – no office time means no colleagues to have morning tea with, which sometimes bums me out. So to make my morning coffee time a little bit brighter, I made some raspberry friands on a Sunday afternoon, froze them and pulled one out every day for a little indulgent break. The problem is, now I can’t stop eating them.
- I hung eucalyptus leaves in the shower: Again according to my research (scrolling), a lot of people seemed to think romanticising your life involves hanging a bunch of eucalyptus leaves upside down in the shower, the theory being the hot steam makes a lovely little fragrance bomb. It was probably the most extra ‘influency’ thing I did, but sure, my shower smelt like a spa. Or a koala’s wet dream.
- I opened the good bottle of wine we were saving for absolutely no reason: We had a bottle of veeeeeeery fancy Champagne in our cupboard that was liberated (stolen) from my clueless parent’s liquor cabinet (they thought it would be yucky because it was so old…. It’s vintage Dom Perignon. I didn’t feel the need to enlighten them). But to be fair, it WAS getting to the point where it needed to be drunk – so me and my partner did. And it was glorious and wonderful and romantic and special and I’m so glad we did.
- I worked outside when it didn’t rain in Auckland for 25 minutes the other week: She was a small gap, but I got almost half an hour of working outside in the sunshine before the inevitable storm clouds came back, and I felt recharged and like one of those people who really takes advantage of good weather (because in my head that somehow means I have my shit together more!?)
- I dressed up in my nicest clothes for work even though I didn’t leave the house: Call it a legacy from the pandemic but these days loungewear is king, and if I don’t have to wear a bra then I’m bloody not going to.But I decided to dress up and try and look like an actual professional for a day, even if no one else saw (usually for video calls I’ll just chuck on the blazer that somewhat sadly hangs off the back of my office chair) and I had some mad main character Sex and the City vibes about myself, I’m not going to lie. I even put on heels. HEELS (it didn’t hurt that it’s a grand total of eight steps to the bathroom and 12 to the kitchen).
- I re-arranged my vitamins I’m going a gut health reset at the moment (more on that in the coming weeks!) and I have fibromyalgia, so our kitchen bench is usually awash with various medications, vitamins and supplements which really irritate my little Virgo soul. So I moved them to a draw and organised them by type and I know it sounds sad and such a small insignificant thing, but now I can open a draw and see exactly what I need and that’s the kind of holistic romance I want in my life as a 30-something millennial, thank you very much.
- I did some art therapy: I really went all-out for this one to finish off my week of romanticising my life. On the Sunday afternoon it was time to bring it all together – the perfect playlist (Creativity Boost), poured a good glass of wine; lit a candle, popped a hair mask on while I worked and absolutely went to down on a blank canvas, just because (click here for that full story!).
So, did it work?
There were a few times when I totally thought I was in a movie and the main character was me (it might not be a commercial success, but maybe it’ll develop a cult following in time?!). Romanticising my life made me stop and be far more intentional in how I interacted with both myself and the world, and even though I spent next to no money ($24 on flowers and leaves) I felt like my week totally levelled up in luxury and happiness.
I felt like I was kinder to myself than usual and made mundane moments more magical. The romance is real. Give it a go if you need a little lift in your life.
