This week’s guest writer, Eliza Paschke, has a confession to make: she’s never been in love, or in a proper long-term relationship. As she approaches 40, Eliza takes a look at how common it is to be in her situation…
Welcome to our series, The Love Diaries – a space for you to share your experiences, advice, fairy-tale endings, setbacks and heartbreaks. We’ll be hearing from industry experts giving practical advice alongside Capsule readers (You!) sharing your firsthand experiences with love – from the woman who cheated on her husband with a work colleague, one woman’s temptation now the love of her life is finally single (although she’s not), and the woman who forced her husband to choose between her and his girlfriend.
Is it incredibly grim that I’m in my late thirties and have never said ‘I love you’ to anyone outside my family?
To be completely and embarrassingly honest, I’ve never even been in a proper long-term relationship. .
There’s nothing I find more infuriating than watching a dating show these days. The abundance of 23 year-olds crying over “having tried everything to find love” is utterly nauseating.
“You ain’t seen nothing yet, kid,” I feel like screaming into my screen. Get back to me in 15 years, and tell me how hard you’ve tried then!
I’ve been on multiple dates with the same person before, but a relationship never seems to eventuate. There’s three reasons for this…
1. One of us loses interest (AKA gets the ick)
2. The person I’m dating turns out to be a jerk (I find myself attracted to assholes…. but that’s a whole other article)
3. The bloke is mingling with multiple ladies, and decides he likes me the least
Thanks to the dating app culture, a new and shinier match is only a click away!
For me, the main cause at the heart of my prolonged singledom is probably my unrealistic standards.
I’m far from perfect, but I’ve created a fulfilling life for myself that makes me happy! I don’t have a hole I’m looking to fill, so a partner would simply be icing on my already sturdy and delicious cake!
I’ve witnessed my friends trapped in hideous relationships. A number of them will be eternally miserable because they gave in, settled and will never walk away.
The stereotypical checklist of life hangs largely and loudly in our faces, and the pressure to start ticking boxes is strong and undeniable.
Don’t get me wrong, taking a chance pays off for some! On occasion, compatibility comes easily or serendipitously.
I’ve seen other guys and girls tackle the search for love like a part-time job. They’ll hit the town with a fresh suitor multiple times a week, and after months or years there’s a happy ending!
Having said all that, I’d risk losing my baby-making window and take my time, rather than be stuck with someone who suffocates me, uses me, brings me down, or who ruins my confidence.
It’s devastating when mates completely lose themselves and their independence in the plight for marital bliss, and I refuse to let that happen to me. Observing it is enough to put me off my husband hunt completely.
When researching the matter of love, I actually discovered that around 1 in 5 people have never fallen in love. It’s a larger statistic than I anticipated.
I thought I was part of a sad and lonely minority, but there’s 20 per cent of us still waiting to experience those fireworks of the heart.
For the 80 per cent of you who do know what it’s like to love, please don’t pity us. The last thing we want to hear at a wedding or bar mitzvah when we’re standing solo is… “don’t worry darling, I’m sure you’ll find someone eventually”.
Thanks Aunty Susan but I ain’t worried, I’m living my best life, ball- and chain-free!
Am I missing out on some earth shatteringly joyful moments by being so fussy? Potentially!
Am I risking letting the guy of my dreams drift past me because I’m not open enough? Probably.
Am I going to change my ways because society wants me to? Hell no!
This article was reproduced with permission from 9Honey. To read the original article, click here.
