In news that Leonardo DiCaprio has broken up with his latest girlfriend Camila Morrone, we have some questions. Why do we care? Well, who knows. But this is allegedly the seventh (beautiful model) girlfriend that Leo has dumped as she arrived at her 25th birthday and… how is this still a thing?
In today’s instalment of ‘Celebrity News That Shouldn’t Bug Me As Much As It Does,’ Leonardo DiCaprio has reportedly split from his girlfriend of five years, model Camila Morrone. Why is this news? Well, it’s the SEVENTH girl that Leo has dated but dumped after she turned 25 (Happy belated birthday for June, Camila!). Now, three, four… sure. But seven? That’s a pattern. So… how is this still a thing?
Dating Questions I Have (For Two People I Have Never Met)
What is like dating someone whose love life is literally a running joke?
‘Like a supermodel’s vagina, please give a warm welcome to Leonardo DiCaprio!’ There is a graph showing his dating choices and it was assumed that Camila’s days were numbered as her 25th birthday approached. That’s crazy! And it’s crazy that everyone’s low expectations were PROVEN CORRECT. Leo’s dating choices are from a throwback time when men simply didn’t have to pretend to care about women’s thoughts and feelings. We don’t live in that time anymore – men have to at least TRY to do pretend!
What do they talk about?
Sorry, I know that a main point of dating beautiful models in their early 20s is obviously SEX but… you can’t have sex 24/7. He has to go to work functions, dinner parties, friends’ birthdays, all of which are all chat and no nudity (one assumes, although Hollywood). So, what do they talk about?
Big question: What’s in it for her?
Dating someone twice your age: sure, I mean, it happens. My paternal grandparents were 25 years apart and they were happy as Larry their whole lives together. But having everyone assume he’s dating you until you turn 25 must be… rough on the self-esteem? Onwards and upwards, Camila!
What do his friends think?
I get that dating models is very cool to your guy mates when you are young and hip but dude is 47! And has been doing this for 20 years! Surely one of his married up mates is like ‘do we need to have an intervention here?’ Because I have known people (men) who only ever dated younger women and you know what ages even worse than a human woman? THAT ATTITUDE.
How is this any of my business?
It’s not.
What does Kate Winslet think?
They’re pals! I know she’s married to a man who changed his name to Ned RocknRoll but surely she’s also like ‘Leo, love, have you thought about at least dating a graduate?’ Kate’s eldest daughter, Mia, is 21, which means that Kate now lives in a world where Leo could date her daughter’s friends (if they were models). I mean… no thank you.
Would I care so much if Leo hadn’t been my second 90s crush (first was Jonathon Taylor Thomas)?
Probably not! But I wore out my VHS of Romeo & Juliet re-watching the scene where he licked his lips and that meant something.
Would a woman get away with this?
Imagine if there was an Oscar winning actress who just dated 20-24 year olds for two decades straight… oh no, would the 2022 Internet actually love that and write #yougogirl headlines about it? Ugh, probably. Never mind.
Why are men of this Hollywood generation imploding so badly?
Johnny. Brad. Leo. You know who has exceeded expectations? George.
Why do I care?
Leo came at a time of peak pop culture and peak heartthrob and it’s always a bit jarring to realise just how different real life is from Jack Dawson (RIP) or Romeo (also RIP). But then maybe if Jack and Romeo had lived past 19 years old, they also would have picked 22 year olds well into their late 40s. We will never know.
How is this sustainable?
This is an environment joke because Leo is such an advocate for the environment and sustainability but not when dating, am I right? What will it take for Leo to invest in a keep cup… for his heart?
Does Leo, a talented handsome millionaire, have to care about what someone like me, a 37 year old writing this in a robe, has to say?
No, as a woman approaching middle age, I am but dust in the wind to Leo. Unless, of course, I happened to give birth to his next girlfriend (I’ll just leave Saturday Night Live’s darkest sketch, Meet Your Second Wife, here as a swan song).
