Sunday, April 14, 2024

I Think I’d Like to Try… Toys for Couples – A Beginner’s Guide

Welcome to ‘I Think I’d Like to Try…’, our series with our pals at Adulttoymegastore and their lovely sexpert Emma Hewitt, where we answer all your questions about sex-related topics that you might want to know from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about! (And check out our I’ll Have What She’s Having Sex Toy Reviews here if you’re looking for a bedside draw friend!) In this edition, it’s all about toys for couples which, at first, can seem SUPER intimidating – but once you know what you’re looking for, consider your sex life spiced up!

The world of sex toys is an amazing place. There are toys that vibrate, thrust, rotate and pulse, and something to pleasure any and every part of the body. While you may think that they are designed for solo loving, in recent years toys designed specifically for partnered play have gotten better and better and there are now all sorts of couple’s sex toys to make your sex life even more exciting. And – I know, I know, I’m a sex educator in the toy industry so of course I’m going to say this – BUT there are actually a bunch of benefits to using sex toys with a partner.

They are great tools for opening up a conversation about sex with your partner. They require communication and the more you communicate with each other, the better you will get at expressing your needs and getting what you both want out of your sex lives. Plus, they inspire experimentation which has been proven to help maintain passion and desire within a relationship. A 2019 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that couples that engaged in “self-expanding activities” like intimate discussions with one another and learning new things together were happier in their relationships.

And remember that toys don’t take anything away from the relationship! And they don’t mean there is anything wrong or missing in a relationship. A common fear I hear is people thinking that their partner may replace them with a toy, or that they might become reliant on the toy. 

Look, toys are great! I love them, but they don’t provide intimacy, jokes, back massages or forehead kisses, which are all things that I need in my life. What they do offer in most cases is a form of pleasure that a human can’t imitate like vibration. The human body simply can’t transmit that type of frequency, but toys can and our genitals love it! Sex toys, particularly vibrating ones, are the perfect tools for helping to close the orgasm gap. They are designed purely for pleasure and can help to reduce pressure from both partners by adding extra stimulation.  

Sex toys are not competition. They are our pleasure teammates!

How to talk to a partner about toys for couples, because whipping one out mid-sesh is NOT the way to do it. 

You want to open the conversation in a non-sexual context – aka not when you are about to get it on. Regardless of your intentions, bringing up the topic of including a sex toy into your play while you play runs the risk of your partner feeling pressure to say yes. It’s best to bring it up in a comfortable, safe, and non-sexual situation, or after sex when you are both feeling connected and cuddly.

When the time is right, talk openly about your interest in toys and how you would like to use it with your partner. It’s a good idea to mention what you think it will do for both of you pleasure-wise, and how you want to make sure they are ok with it too. Always frame the conversation in a positive light. This will help to ensure that your partner doesn’t feel like you have a complaint or critique about your sex life.

Here are some sentences you can use to make sure you are framing it in a positive way:

  • Have you ever thought about trying X?
  • I would love to try this with you. I think it would be really fun!
  • You seemed to really enjoy doing X last night. Have you thought about trying a toy that replicates that feeling?
  • I loved how this felt this morning. Would you be keen to try X with me to recreate that feeling?

And if you feel nervous asking them about it, then you can say that. Say that you are curious about trying a toy but feel a little nervous about it. Communicating about new things in your relationship can often feel scary but the more you do it, the more comfortable you will become, and the easier it will get. Practice makes perfect! 

With the groundwork done, it’s time to look at a few sex toys for couples that are perfect for beginners. In my opinion, any toy is a couple’s toy with a little imagination! But some are better suited to it than others. 

A lot of the toys included are designed for stimulating the clitoris and that’s because it’s the part of the body that really should be stimulated but is commonly left out during partnered sex, particularly in cis-hetero relationships. But I’ve also included a few toys that can be used no matter your anatomy!

A Bullet Vibrator

Bullet vibes are the toy I always recommend to sex toy beginners. They are cute, non-threatening and versatile. Basically, a bullet vibe will add some lovely vibratory stimulation to the outside of your body. Any erogenous zone can be a great option for a bullet. Think the clitoris, the nipples or the scrotum. Anywhere that feels good to stroke is likely going to feel good when stimulated by vibration. 

The petite size of this type of toy is what makes it so good for couples. It can easily be included during oral or penetrative sex without feeling intrusive or getting in the way. Wherever your hand can go, the bullet can go too! 

Remember that bullet vibes are not designed for internal play – stick to using it on the outside of your body only. 

Keep in mind that while a bullet vibe is a starter toy, it’s also 100% a gateway toy and it won’t be long before you are thinking to yourself, “I could go bigger”. And when that happens (trust me it will), there are plenty of other great couples’ toys to try!

A Remote-Control Sex Toy: Vibrating Underwear – We-Vibe Moxie

Sex toys with remote control are ideal toys for couples as they allow one of you to use the toy while the other person is in control of what the toy is doing. Pretty cool right? There are lots of toys that come with a remote control, but these are a few of my favourites. 

We-Vibe are famous for their amazing couple toys and the Moxie is no exception. It’s a small silicone vibrator that is worn inside your underwear and controlled with a remote. This toy is relatively small and thin and attaches to your underwear with a flat magnet (don’t worry, it’s very thin so it won’t be noticeable through your clothing). What I love about this unit is that this can be worn inside any underwear that you already have so you can use this toy with your favourite lingerie.

Although the vibe is thin, it still has curves in all the right places! It has a raised edge which rests against the clitoris to make sure you get all the stimulation this toy has to offer. There are 10 vibration functions including a mix of intensity levels and vibration patterns which are controlled using the remote control or even via Bluetooth using the We-Vibe Connect App.

Wearable Vibrators:

Wearable vibrators are vibes that attach to the body in some way for extra stimulation while you play. They basically turn your body into a vibrator! Here are a few different types to choose from.

Finger vibrators are small and easy vibes that are great for beginners. They are basically a bullet vibe with a loop to attach it to your finger. That means wherever your finger can go, the toy can go too. Like bullet vibes, make sure you stick to the outside of your body, these toys aren’t designed for internal play, but they are great for stimulating the clitoris, nipples, penis or scrotum.

Finger vibe – Share Satisfaction Finger Vibe

This silicone one from Share Satisfaction is a single-speed vibrator with some extra texture for pleasure. And it’s waterproof so it’s safe in the shower or bath too.

U-shaped Vibrator – Share Satisfaction Gaia

Gaia is a super cute couple’s toy from Share Satisfaction. It’s what you may have heard people call a U-shaped or C-shaped vibrator. It all depends on how you hold it!

Gaia is a hands-free wearable couple’s vibe that can be used during penetrative sex to add some extra vibration to both partners. The small end of Gaia is worn inside the vagina during sex and the larger end sits externally, covering the clitoris. The idea is that it can stay in place without you needing to hold it, so your hands are free to roam elsewhere. It adds extra vibration to the clitoris, the vagina and the penis too making for a more intense experience for you both and providing some much-needed hands-free clitoral stimulation too! Yay!

Cock Ring – Satisfyer Cock Ring

A vibrating cock ring is a great toy for couples as they have so many benefits! Cock rings restrict the flow of blood out of an erect penis making it feel harder and more engorged than it will without one, as well as helping to maintain an erection for longer. While this may sound intense, cock rings come in all sorts of sizes and materials meaning they can be tight and firm, or they might be snug and stretchy. A cock ring should add pressure, but it shouldn’t hurt! In fact, that increased blood flow in the penis makes it more sensitive so you can feel even more pleasure. 

A vibrating ring like the Satisfyer Cock Ring will stimulate both partners during sex offering clitoral stimulation too. This ring has 3 vibration speeds and 7 fun patterns to play with and is made from soft and stretchy silicone that is great for beginners. 

And finally, no matter which couples toy you want to try, lubricant is going to make everything feel better. Stick to water-based lube if you aren’t sure what to go for as it’s safe to use with any toy material and is condom-compatible too. It’s the perfect all-rounder! 

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