Main Character Syndrome can cause problems, and is something to be wary of, but could you sometimes harness it to work for you?
Fran*, 27, is feeling increasingly aggravated by someone in the same circle of friends. “She always wants to be the centre of attention, especially in a group setting, but also one on one. She always steers conversations back to her. She seems confident, but is also attention-seeking and overly dramatic about everything. It’s always all about her. It’s almost like she thinks she’s the lead in a play.”
Does Fran’s friend have something called Main Character Syndrome? Someone with Main Character Syndrome thinks that the world does or should centre around them. They’re the protagonist of the story, and everyone else is a supporting player. The real world essentially serves as a TV series about their own life.
Is it Carrie’s fault?!
Some say that Carrie from Sex & The City was the original ‘avatar’ for Main Character Syndrome. For example, Carrie once got angry that Charlotte hadn’t sold her former engagement ring to help Carrie pay the downpayment on her house (given her ex Aidan would no longer be contributing). So Charlotte loaned Carrie the $30,000 the ring was worth. We’ll never know if she repaid her.
Of course, Carrie really WAS the central character of the show. But in real life, each of us is the main character in our own life story, of course. I’m a ‘me’ and so are you. However, for someone with Main Character Syndrome, it’s always all about them.
Not just a buzzword
The term Main Character Syndrome has been popularised in recent times on social media, particularly TikTok, where #maincharactersyndrome has 51.8 million views and 2558 posts, many being sardonic and ironic.
But it’s not just a buzzword. In an article called ‘You’re The Star Of The Show With Main Character Syndrome’, psychologist Dr Susan Albers explains that Main Character Syndrome “isn’t a medical diagnosis, but it’s a term that’s quickly piqued curiosity online and on social media over the last few years”.
How does someone with Main Character Syndrome act? “You often see yourself as the most important person in the room,” Dr Albers says, “and you act according to the narrative of your plot. Having that perspective – that you are the centre of the story – naturally changes the way you present yourself to others and how you act in a public setting.”
“You tend to highlight or reinforce certain aspects of your personality to benefit your story and your place in other people’s lives. Main character syndrome can be very toxic to relationships if you’re not thinking about the other person’s needs.”
And no, Main Character Syndrome is not the same thing as narcissism (although these can occasionally co-exist). In fact, Dr Albers says that “a lot of times, main character syndrome can stem from our insecurities if we’re putting forth this false front or the most dramatic part of ourselves to attract the most attention”.
How Do You Know If Someone Has Main Character Syndrome?
- Increased motivation.
- Improved confidence.
- Inflated sense of self or self-delusions.
- Having an altered perception of reality.
- Ignoring or unknowingly avoiding consequences of their actions.
- Disassociation.
- Attention-seeking behaviours.
- Exhibiting dramatic behaviours.
- Lack of empathy.
- Romanticising one’s problems.
- Dressing or acting in a way that’s not authentic.
- Experiencing periods of cognitive dissonance.
- Experiencing urges to reinvent yourself.
Reading through these signs, Jess*, 34, says the term Main Character Syndrome seems to fit her former friend. “Everything always had to be about her. She didn’t like anyone else to be the centre of attention. She wanted everyone to fit in with her plans, and she would sometimes manipulate people to achieve all this. TBH, she seemed a little delusional about how great she was, so she may not even know how annoying she was. So I let that friendship die of natural causes.”
Can Main Character Syndrome Be A Good Thing?
If you suspect you have Main Character Syndrome, should you try to banish it entirely, or can you make it work for you?
Well, for starters, you could use the term Main Character Energy (instead of ‘syndrome’) to position it as something more fluid – as something to subdue sometimes, and harness sometimes. Because Main Character Energy isn’t always a bad thing.
The recent article ‘What Is Main Character Energy And How Can You Embrace It?’ says that Main Character Energy “refers to the confidence, charisma, and self-assuredness that is often associated with the main character in a story or movie. It’s the feeling of being in control of your own narrative and embracing your uniqueness”. All good stuff, right?
Well, that depends how far you take it. Erica Sloan’s article ‘How To Embrace Main Character Energy Without Being An A-hole’ says that if Main Character Energy helps you be introspective about your dreams, your goals and your plans, that’s great. “But once it delves into needing a supportive audience, so to speak, whose sole purpose is to lift up you, the main character, [then] the concept can take a darker turn toward devaluing the experience of others.”
“No one person’s journey through life is worthier than another’s, and acting in the name of main-character energy can occasionally muddy that understanding.”
Some people also exhibit Main Character Syndrome online. Some of this might be okay, if it’s not too over-the-top, but something that’s NOT healthy is if someone’s creating and presenting a fictional version of their life through social media. (This is NOT the same as having an online self-presentation strategy.) But that’s a story for another time.
Here are some tips for how and when to use and how and when to avoid Main Character Energy, whether that’s helpful for you or someone you know…
- Harness Main Character Energy when you need a pick-me-up (e.g. preparing for a job interview, a date, or a workout).
- Harness it as self-care in difficult situations (e.g. reminding yourself of your worthiness).
- Avoid documenting things that overly reinforce Main Character Energy (e.g. posting lots of selfies on social media).
- Be mindful of the other ‘movies’ happening simultaneously (your supporting characters’ lives).
- Think about how Main Character Energy might be impacting others. Is it hindering your friendships?
- If someone’s Main Character Energy is an issue for you, explain (without laying too much blame) how behaviours of theirs make you feel.
- Know when to be the guest star or simply a member of the audience. We can’t always be onstage!
