Guest writer Fiona Fraser talks to two Hawke’s Bay ladies who’ve put all their cards on the table during Covid-19
They were friends first and foremost – two women who bonded over the struggles of managing small children. They’d both uprooted themselves from big important jobs in large cosmopolitan cities, and were living in Hawke’s Bay, learning what it took to start over.
In forging a friendship, and eventually a business coaching consultancy, together, excellent communication was going to be key for Jane Willersdorf – “a creative, a thinker” and Megan Borrie “a get-it-done person”.
“We don’t always agree,” laughs Jane, on a Zoom call from her garden as her two pre-schoolers clamber over her. “But what I’ve found, working with Megan for the last three years, is that while we’re very different, our world views are similar. We just need to ask each other the right questions, to figure out our common ground.”
When Covid-19 forced the country into lockdown, communicating well became more important than ever. Jane and Megan say they’d begin each Zoom catch up with one another with a quick chat about how the family was coping, what was going on at home, and ask each other – frankly – how the other was doing. Really. Truly. Warts and all.
At the same time, they were conducting video meetings with their consultancy (called B-Collective) clients who had been thrust into a place of panic, or of anxiety, or confusion – or all three. There were real feelings of disconnection, of disorder, and distrust in what the future held.
The fear and tension that existed for business leaders and teams was also filtering down into relationships and family life. “It’s a really confusing time for so many of us,” Jane says. “Personally, I’ll be doing Zoom sessions and video meetings with client trying to remain calm and maintain some level of professionalism while my kids are in the next room playing cushion wars. Some families are experiencing strain on their relationship, clinginess with their children, arguments, or have kids that aren’t responding well to remote learning. Or, we’re asking children to get on with schoolwork, then five minutes later handing them the iPad because we have a meeting.”
It was Megan who first came up with the idea of The Human Card – five simple, digital deck of cards, each card containing a question so that teams and businesses, as well as families – and even children – could clearly articulate how they feel and what they need right now. There’s a deck for businesses and teams to tackle, one for those in relationships, one for individuals looking to progress, and two for kids, based on their age.
They asked their friends and network for feedback on the idea. Everyone loved it. “The penny dropped,” says Megan, chiming in from her laptop across town. “Here was something so simple, but also very genuine and meaningful, that gave people the power to make little shifts.”
The questions – in decks of between eight and 12 cards, are co-created with Auckland psychotherapist Jayne Pollock, and cover questions from “where can our business be most profitable?” to “what do you want our time together to look like?”
Accessing the expertise of children and family psychotherapist Pollock was integral, says Jane. “When it came to really talking to kids, we needed a qualified view. Having her on board gives The Human Card a completely real, human experience, and Jayne’s clinical experience has helped shape each question to draw out responses and encourage conversation.”
There are also downloadable resources such as action plans and journals to take the conversation further. But as a starting point, the questions are key, says Megan – deceptively simple, and really effective. “Questions take us forward,” she explains. “They help us to see something we haven’t. And if we’re seeing something we haven’t, then we’re growing. There’s a massive amount of stress on business leaders right now in a multitude of areas – cash, people, progress. And the truth is, none of us is an expert at this and we’re all making it up and learning as we go.”
Jane agrees. “For me, it’s the unsaid that is dangerous – in any situation. I think as parents, for example, the kids’ decks could be used in many situations, such as when a child changes schools or there are concerns around bullying. I’d like to hope that in many cases, families will be able to work through those issues with something as simple as having the conversations, and without drastic or costly intervention.
“These questions aren’t necessarily clever or unique, but they are carefully designed to pull walls down quickly and aim to encourage others to start talking and just say exactly what they’re thinking.”
Really. Truly. Warts and all.
To purchase or gift a deck of digital cards for $12, or all five decks for $30, visit
