Capsule x Adulttoymegastore
Sex Educator and Adulttoymegastore’s Resident Sexpert Emma Hewitt tells how to get your new year off on the right side of the bed.
New year’s resolutions. Some love them, some hate them. But for me, starting the new year by setting intentions to make the coming year better seems like a good thing to do. Regardless of whether you stick to them or not, deciding what areas of your life you want to improve in the year ahead helps you to set a positive direction.
And when you’re setting your goals for the year, I encourage you to not overlook an often forgotten and highly important type of resolution: a more pleasurable sex life!
Call it a resolution, call it a tip, a suggestion, an intention or whatever makes you feel good. Here are some positive ideas for a better, banging, sex life this year!
#1. Masturbate more
I’m calling it. 2022 is going to be the year of self-pleasure!
Things have been rough the last few years and it looks like that stress will be continuing into 2022. So, I recommend finding activities that make you feel good and masturbation is one of the best! Touching your body in pleasurable ways releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals that relax your body, ease stress and make you feel happier. Yes, please!
#2. Seek pleasure, not orgasms. Orgasms are a bonus!
Make pleasure the goal and forget about the need to orgasm now and then. Yes, orgasms are amazing but by making them the focus of your sexual exploration, you might be limiting the amount of pleasure your body is capable of. There are all sorts of ways to stimulate the body that feel wonderful but won’t necessarily end in orgasm. But they are still worth exploring right?
By removing the need for orgasm, you allow your body and mind to relax into the experience and feel what they are feeling without pressure. You might find that this technique helps you to orgasm more in the long run. Don’t forget that stress and worry are huge libido killers and can prevent you from reaching orgasm. Get rid of those, and you are on the road to pleasure!
#3. Learn more about your body
If you haven’t yet, this is the year to get the hand mirror out and check what is going on with your own body. Understand what it looks like when you are aroused and when you aren’t, as well as what it feels like in each of these states.
The more you know what it looks like and feels like, the faster you will notice any changes to your body that could be a sign of an infection or a more serious issue. When we know our bodies inside out (literally) we can better advocate for ourselves when it comes to talking about our bodies with a doctor, specialist or with our partners.
#4. See a specialist if you experience pain during sex
Pain during penetrative sex is not normal. Unfortunately, it’s a common issue that has become normalised due to issues with inaccurate diagnoses and the resulting mistrust of GPs. But pain isn’t something that we need to put up with. Research has improved, diagnoses are becoming increasingly more accurate, and some treatments and accessories can help to prevent it.
There are all sorts of reasons that pain can occur during penetrative sex from endometriosis to pelvic inflammatory disease to vaginismus. That’s why it’s so important to see a specialist to understand the cause.
If pain or discomfort is caused by deep penetration, a bumper is a great aid for reducing the depth of penetration. Find out more about bumpers in the video below.
#5. Find the perfect lube
Lubricant really is an amazing thing. It adds glide and slipperiness to assist with stimulation whilst reducing friction and discomfort. I recommend using lube with everything. Partnered sex? Yes. Masturbation? Yes. Sex toys? Hell yes! But there are a lot of lubes out there and it can be tricky to find the perfect one. Here are a few that I’ve given a whirl over the years and still keep on rotation.
A good water-based lubricant is an essential part of my sexual toolkit. It goes with everything and is great for partnered play. As I have sensitive skin, I need to use something that is paraben and glycerin free and this one ticks all the boxes.
Uberlube is a long-lasting and extremely silky silicone lube that feels amazing! It stays smooth and slippery for a lot longer than a water-based lube will and is great for use with condoms.
#6. Communicate, communicate, communicate
Communicating more is the best thing you can do for your partnered sex life. It’s not always easy and it’s not always fun, but learning the skills to talk about your wants in the bedroom can make a huge difference to your partnered play.
Communicating more will help you to ask for what you want, better articulate your likes and desires and also better explain what you are not into or why something might not feel good to you.
It would be amazing if we could read others minds and know exactly what turns someone on, but we can’t. So, we need to tell each other!
#7. Live out a fantasy
Why not try living out one of your fantasies? If there is something you have always fantasised about doing, maybe this is the year you can finally bring it to life!
Find a way to explore your fantasy in a way that feels safe and comfortable to you, as well as anyone else that might be involved. You can explore your fantasies whether you’re single or in a relationship. It’s all about communicating with everyone involved and making sure you’re on the same page.
Sometimes, fantasies are perfectly fine being just that, a fantasy. Something that you can think about and visualise whenever you want. However, some fantasies can be extremely fun to explore and play out as well. Depending on what your fantasy is, remember that you don’t always have to jump straight in. Exploring your fantasy could mean incorporating bits of it here and there and working your way up.
With all that extra communication you’ll be doing in the bedroom (refer to resolution above) bringing up your desire to explore a fantasy should be part of your sexual discussions this year – whether alone or with a partner!
#8. Explore a new part of your body
There are so many areas to stimulate on your body, and so many ways to stimulate them, so you should never feel limited to the ‘typical’ erogenous zones. It’s time to switch things up and enjoy even more pleasure!
This could involve something as simple as teasing your body during foreplay by stimulating the inner thigh or neck. Take your time, try new things, and see what feels good! It’s all about experimenting and understanding what gets you going.
Or, if you’ve never experimented with anal play, why not give it a go? Use your finger or a small beginners butt plug to explore the area and uncover all those nerve endings. Lube it up and you’re away!
The nipples can also be super fun to stimulate and play with. Use a bullet vibrator against them, or if you don’t have any toys on hand, using a bit of ice is a great way to enjoy some temperature play! This is a very pleasurable area to tease and please for a lot of people. Exploring your body is the perfect way to find what tickles your fancy and take your sex life to the next level.
#9. Erotica anyone?
Indulge in erotica in whatever form makes sense to you. Check out ethical porn, audio erotica, erotic stories, books, clothing or whatever else turns you on. Finding the erotic in your everyday life makes life feel more pleasurable and enjoyable. It doesn’t even need to be overtly sexual! A flirtatious smile or sexy glance at a stranger can have the same effect too.
#10. Add a sex toy…
I know, I know. Of course I’m going to say you should try new sex toys! But I do mean it. Sex toys are amazing additions to your sexual toolkit. They add stimulation and sensation to solo and partnered sex and stimulate the body in lots of pleasurable ways. They can vibrate, thrust, stretch, suck and anything else you want or need.
If you need some inspiration of where to start, check out New Zealand’s top 10 best-selling sex toys for 2021!