‘I Had a Threesome & It COMPLETELY Changed Me: What It’s Actually Like & How It Helped My Confidence’

Wellington woman Michelle* tells of her unexpected threesome encounter – and why she wishes more women would consider a little menage-a-trois in the bedroom.

“I need to start this story with a preface. I never, in a million years, thought this would be something I would DO, let alone write about. But here we are, ladies – and I can honestly tell you what happened that night changed the way I think about sex, sexuality and my own journey through sexual exploration.

I had a threesome.

Why is ‘threesome’ such a loaded word? It’s full of smut, of secrecy, of shame. Only kinky women and whores have threesomes, the world screams at you. You only see it in porn, or as a butt of a sleazy joke – threesomes are never represented as something exciting, or powerful, or just simply pleasurable. It’s the domain of the porn star, not your average mate down the road or woman looking to explore her own sexuality.

Indeed, when you look up the word on google, the entire first page is just links to porn. But the act’s appeal is strong – according to studies, it’s the Western world’s number-one fantasy. In one American study, with a sample age range from 18-87, 95% of men and 87% of women said they had fantasised about having sex with multiple partners. And in another, 18% of US men and 10% of women had actually done it.

Now, on the sexuality continuum I’m a straight woman in a very happy, serious relationship with the man of my dreams. I’ve never watched porn – I read it or listen to it on occasion but watching it doesn’t float my personal boat. My sex life is fantastic. And apart from a few fleeting, far-away fantasies, I never thought I would ever have a threesome. Even if one wanted to partake in a little menage-a-trois, how the hell do you even go about it?!

But on a recent trip to the South Island, I found myself in bed with both my partner and another woman, and the experience has fundamentally changed me.

Not my love for my partner, or my sexual orientation – but the way I view my own power, confidence and sexuality.

What it’s actually like having a threesome

The experience was a stars-aligning-in-the-universe stuff – a few drinks, some awesome conversation, a little light flirtation. It was me who initiated it much to both me and my partner’s surprise. I wouldn’t say I’m what you would call super-confident normally;  like every woman with wobbles, there are always times in the bedroom where I wish that lump and bump would disappear, and I’m not the most experienced operator in the world.

But, as a woman in my late 30s, I’ve started to realise that the whole ‘women peak later’ thing is TRUE – and when the thought of a threesome somewhat, inexplicably entered my head, I didn’t bat it away. I went with it.

Something profoundly sexy came over me – a confidence, an unshakable urge to trust my gut and go with the vibes, and I did it. From that minute, I took control of the situation, something I’m usually far too afraid to do, and I became my own fantasy’s version of a strong, confident sexy woman.

With another woman it’s the same but reversed, it’s familiar, it’s foreign, it’s comforting. I found myself not worrying my body as I explored hers – there was an inherent trust and acceptance.

The feelings afterwards? Pride, happiness. Proud in the sense I put myself out there and that I had the strength to trust my gut. Happy that it was a fun, freeing, no-strings attached experience that will probably never be repeated again.

I wish threesomes didn’t have such a smutty connotation, because if this experience has taught me anything it’s that it can be a wonderful, empowering moment, rather than something seedy and to be ashamed of.

My confidence levels have gone through the roof since, my relationship with my partner has only strengthened-  he was thrilled to see me so self-confident – and I feel like I’ve unlocked some kind of sexiness within myself that I didn’t realise I was looking for.

How could it not be a win?”

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