Over these summer holidays, there will be so many photo-worthy moments that we want to capture. Is it okay to share them on social media? We talk to parents who have strong views on both sides when it comes to sharenting.
Odds are that you’ve heard the term ‘sharenting’ before. It seems to have originated in 2012, when the Wall Street Journal used the word ‘oversharenting’ to blend the terms ‘oversharing’ and ‘parenting’. Losing the prefix of ‘over’, the word ‘sharenting’ became included in the Oxford English Dictionary in 2022 – defined as “the action or practice of sharing news, images, or videos of one’s children on social-media websites”.
As many of us have become comfortable with sharing parts of our own lives on social media, many of us have become comfortable with sharing parts of our kids’ lives too. And why we do it makes sense.
92% of U.S. children have an online presence by the time they’re two
Research suggests that ‘sharenting’ happens for reasons including wanting to keep family and close friends updated (particularly in our diaspora of a world), feeling your kids are almost an extension of yourself, the accessibility of social media, helping alleviate isolation, wanting positive comments on your parenting, showing pride in your kids, etc.
A side note: we’re not talking about parents sharenting as ‘social-media influencers’ to promote products. That’s a different story.
The Rise Of Sharenting
Sharenting happens a lot. A U.K. report found that about 80% of parents with young kids post photos of them online, and an Australian survey recently revealed that 90% of Australian parents admitted to ‘over-sharenting’.
Meanwhile, a large international study found that almost three-quarters of parents in the U.K, France, Germany and Italy said they were willing to share images of their infants online; it also found that 92% of U.S. children have an online presence by the time they’re two. Another study found that 13-year-olds typically have had their picture posted on social media 1,300 times.
Another study found that 13-year-olds typically have had their picture posted on social media 1,300 times
Is sharenting truly problematic? Well, studies show that sharenting can potentially pose risks to a child’s emotional and psychological wellbeing. Also, there’s the argument that sharenting violates children’s privacy, because younger kids can’t give permission, and older kids still may not realise the implications.
Plus sharenting can be truly embarrassing! The Atlantic recently published a story called ‘The First Social-Media Babies Are Growing Up – And They’re Horrified’. “How would you feel if millions of people watched your childhood tantrums?”, the article says.
By 2030, ‘sharenting’ will play a role in two-thirds of identity fraud cases facing the young generation
“The children of the Facebook era – which truly began in 2006, when the platform opened to everyone – are growing up, preparing to enter the workforce, and facing the consequences of their parents’ social-media use. Many are filling the shoes of a digital persona that’s already been created, and that they have no power to erase.”
As the New York Times says, “innocent posts from parents can carry unintended consequences. Studies estimate that by 2030, ‘sharenting’ will play a role in two-thirds of identity fraud cases facing the young generation. Parents also risk unwittingly exposing their children to data broker profiling, hacking, facial recognition tracking, pedophilia and other threats to privacy and security.”
How Do Kids Feel About Sharenting?
How do young people feel about sharenting? A study of 1000 British teenagers aged between 12 and 16 years found that 71% of them said their parents failed to give enough respect to their digital identity, and 40% felt embarrassed about photos their parents posted online.
The New York Times has made a video that shows footage of three young people confronting their mothers about ‘sharenting’. Lucy, seven, talks to her mum about an unspecified photo shared online. Lucy’s mum says “what’s the big deal?”. Lucy says “because you didn’t ask”. Her mum says “I also think of it as connecting to other people that I know in real life,” and mentions Lucy’s grandparents. Lucy says “you can call and Facetime [instead].” Her mum says she’ll ask her permission next time.
Meanwhile Elmer, 18, says “my mum shares too much about me online”. She retorts that she doesn’t want to stop sharenting, because “you kids are my pride”. Elmer says she “shared a photo where I’m shirtless and I’m not ready for a photo”.
His mum says “I think all parents do this. I post. I don’t see anything wrong. You’ve got pants on. It’s all private. Only my friends and family can see it all.” Elmer says “all it takes is one person, one hack, and then goes all your privacy”. His mum had shared an image of a document that showed his name and some private information. She apologises, but she’s still not sold on not sharenting.
What Do Kiwi Parents Think About Sharenting?
Some parents I canvassed are totally fine with sharenting. Sue* says “it’s totally harmless. I’m just showing my pride in my children, and people want to see these photos, and I want to see their responses! So there! I feel like people who are anti-sharenting are trying to make parents feel bad for no good reason.”
‘I feel like people who are anti-sharenting are trying to make parents feel bad for no good reason.’
Jane* has mixed feelings. “I share a lot less than I used to, and often only share the full face of the youngest child who will be less recognisable in a few years – and who tells me he wants me to [share content], so that’s a bit tricky. However, another aspect is that sharenting has potentially made the realities of parenting more visible, made children’s lives and activities more visible, and by extension potentially made them more acknowledged as full humans.”
Amanda* feels strongly about not sharenting. “It’s time to stop treating children as parents’ property. Pride in family is great, but showing kids’ tantrums, meltdowns or vulnerable moments is abuse. Would you like your manager to do that? Your spouse? Why is it ok to do it with kids?’
‘Even with positive posts, once kids are old enough to express consent or withdraw it, you should pay attention to that. They’re more likely to respect others if they are respected. There are social consequences for kids in how they are portrayed so they should have, at minimum, power of veto.”
Lisa* has thought a lot about sharenting. “I was significantly looser on this when my children were younger, but these days I only share pictures of them on ‘locked’ social media which only my friends can see, and I’ve barely posted any pictures of them in recent times. I’m a lot more aware of the implications of what I share now than I used to be.”
‘Being a parent of little kids is so arduous and isolating. [Sharenting] was a way to seek connection’
“While I fully agree that consent is vital, part of me finds the discourse around sharing children’s photos difficult. When I was a stay-at-home parent and my kids were little, they were SO MUCH of my life.”
She says even photos meant to be just of her tended to have a photo-bombing child! “So not posting pictures of my kids would likely have meant I didn’t share any photos of my life at all. If I were to go back and do it again with the awareness that I have now, I wouldn’t post pictures of them. But, also, being a parent of little kids is so bloody arduous and bloody isolating. It was a way to seek connection, and show the world that I had a goddamn job that it was as real and valuable as any other.”
“I think everyone should have the right to choose the version of themselves that appears on the internet – and it takes a long time to truly have the cognitive faculties to meaningfully give consent. I also think as a society we need to honour and value the work parents do better, rather than shaming people who feel invisible for using one of the only avenues they have available to feel seen.”
Is There A Healthy Sharenting Balance?
It doesn’t have to be ‘no sharenting at all’. It’s about how it’s done.
A story called ‘The Impact of ‘Sharenting’: How Much Info Is Too Much?’ shares some ‘tips for sharenting responsibly’.
- Think before posting, asking yourself some key questions including: What is your goal in sharing? Who will see the post? Would you worry if the post is seen by the wrong person?
- Don’t post negative, critical, or revealing information about your child, including health concerns, frustrations about their behaviour, or their struggles at school.
- Never share sensitive information like your child’s full name, their address, or other details
- Use privacy settings on social media to limit who sees your posts, but be aware they aren’t foolproof (it’s possible that someone could screenshot your post and post it elsewhere).
- Once your child can understand, ask for their permission before posting, explaining exactly what you’d like to share and who will see it, and respect their wishes if they say ‘no’.
- Have conversations about why it’s important to think before posting. You might tell younger kids that lots of people are on the internet so you want to stay somewhat private.
You could also set up a private chat group on the likes of WhatsApp for family members and/or close friends, keeping content off social media if that’s what you decide.